So it’s safe to say that The Worst Blogger Award goes to…drum roll…me. Thank you. Thank you very much. And I’m sorry.
Let’s recap the past month . Okay, more than a month. (Oh, the shame.)
- We survived Homecoming and it was lovely. The boys and their dates had a great time. No one got pregnant. (Why yes, that is my new meter for success.) And there was another Homecoming miracle: I invited The Ex and his girlfriend over to my house to see the boys before they left to pick up their dates. Can you believe it? I’m not sure what came over me. First, I initiated a conversation about Homecoming at the boys’ soccer game that day and then I just blurted out the invitation as they were walking away. Yep, that’s the way I roll. Act before thinking. Then spend hours analyzing it. Only this time I surprisingly didn’t spend hours trying to figure out if it was a mistake or picturing all of the worst-case scenarios. I didn’t seem care one way or the other. It was ODD. My mind told me that he would be there for the boys, to help tie two ties (that I purchased to go with the suits I purchased to go with the…you get the picture.) and I would be okay. Turns out that my mind was right for a change. The evening was fine. We made polite conversation. We told stories about the pictures that hang in my living room. His girlfriend acted with respect of my role as someone important to the boys and someone who was once important to The Ex. I never even felt like smacking either of them. And no one got pregnant. Success!
- The boys and I have somewhat adjusted to the routine of back to school and homework and practice and dance schedules. Somewhat. Of course, next week basketball practice begins, and since the girls’ volleyball team is going to the finals, the boys will lose the use of the gym in the afternoons. This means that the boys’ basketball team will have to show up at the gym at 4:45am to begin practice before. Yes, you read that right. The last time I saw 4:45am, I was living with an alcoholic that was possibly trying to pee in the corner of my room at that time. I don’t like 4:45am. And let’s get real for a minute. I can barely wake a teenage boy up at 6:15am and now I’m supposed to get him up and motivated to RUN at 4:15am? Coach-with-obviously-no-kids, say what?
- Oh, here’s a fun fact you will love. LoverBoy has mono. How lucky can one mom be? I tried to look at the bright side. Limited access to his girlfriend. Nope, she has already had mono and once you have the Epstein Bar Virus, you always have it, so basically, there is no bright side. Luckily, his immune system is doing a better job of fighting it than MonoBoy’s did. He had a bad day yesterday and stayed home from school with fever, but for the most part, he is keeping up with his routine with little complaint. (Other than his normal list of complaints which all seem to relate to something that I’m doing wrong.)
- My mom and I have agreed to disagree about the fact that it is time for her to sell her house and move in with me. The boys and I have devised a plan to move them into different rooms and offer her LoverBoy’s room because it has two walk-in closets. Now begins the fun part of actually putting that plan in motion. Since The Ex moved out six years ago, I have filled the garage and empty closets. I’m not looking forward to cleaning them out again. And I’m really not looking forward to the garage sale at the end of the purge. I’ve set a deadline because I work better under pressure. Of course, the deadline is after Christmas, so obviously, I haven’t started anything yet. Wait, that’s not true. I did clean out the boys’ bathroom drawers, but that was really only so I could put a pack of condoms in the drawer that would be visible. (Have I mentioned my fear that someone *cough LoverBoy’s girlfriend* might get pregnant?) So anyway, after my house is purged, rearranged, and painted, we will start the process of cleaning out my mom’s house. I think we might need an even longer deadline for that one. Like after Christmas of NEXT year. Not just that there’s so much to do cleaning out a full, 3-bedroom house, but because she is probably going to fight me on it every step of the way. Nevermind the fact that the doctor says that her disease has progressed, and Lady, why are you still trying to mow your own grass?!?!?! Seriously, I think she might be attempting suicide by yard work.
- Speaking of yard work, my all time nemesis, guess what happened just the other day? No wait, let me back up and tell you about the entire day, so that I can really paint an accurate picture of just-another-day-in-my-life. The boys were getting out of school at noon for parent-teacher conferences or something like that. Since LoverBoy has his license, I was smiling to myself because I didn’t have to rush out of work and use my lunch hour to sit in a long carpool line to pick them up. Silly, silly me. About 8 minutes after they were dismissed, LoverBoy called me to tell me that he had left his lights on, and lo and behold his battery was dead. So I went rushing out of work to try to find my way around the carpool line and into the student parking lot. I attempted to jump-start the car, but of course that didn’t work. That battery was D-E-A-D. So I removed the battery in the parking lot, drove to Auto Zone and bought a new one, and drove back to the parking lot to install it. My hands are cut up, but it was so worth it to prove to my teenage son that NO, WE DO NOT NEED TO CALL SOMEONE! I CAN DO THIS! After that, I took the car in for an oil change. I know my limits. Once I finished dealing with car issues, I started on the yard work. Specifically, I am trying to rid my yard of some sort of weed that eats my San Augustine grass like candy. I grabbed a handful of the weeds, and then jumped about 6 feet because also in my grasp was a snake. Are you freaking kidding me right now? I am so over being the man of the house. I am done with yard work. By my calculation, in about two weeks, the boys will be mowing a yard full of Button Weed minus the grass.
- After all of that masculine crap, I completely lost my mind and tried to get in touch with my ever forgotten feminine side. I decided to make a Homecoming mum for LoverBoy’s girlfriend’s school dance. As in use a hot glue gun and stapler all by myself. Whaaaaatttt? That’s scarier than changing out a car battery! As soon as I hit Aisle #2 of the craft store, I knew that I was in over my head. I recruited my sister for help, since she got all of the creative genes. She suggested Pinterest. It’s like she doesn’t even know me at all. I no longer even have the Pinterest app on my phone because just seeing the icon reminded me of what a failure I am at all things crafty or cooking-y or clothes-y or whatever. She did, however, find a handy little video that showed me how to get started. I successfully completed Step #1. Step #2 might be driving back to the craft store and ordering a mum. I’ll let you know how it goes.
Well, that just about sums up my month or so. Tons of Kid stuff and House stuff. Very little (okay none) blogging. At one point during the past couple of weeks, I actually counted the number of days until my youngest son graduates from high school. It’s a sad number, but as soon as I mark all of those days off the calendar, I’m going to put this stupid house and all of its yard work on the market and start doing some Me Stuff. Perhaps Pinterest has a video on what that is and how to do it. It’s been so long that I’ve forgotten.