This That and Maybe the Other

I started composing about twenty-five different blogposts this week, and successfully completed and posted none.  But I guess you knew that last part already.  Let’s just say I’ve been on a helluva roller coaster ride at the Emotional Amusement Park.

Even as I sat down to finally type something, I was flooded with a million thoughts about all of the things that have been going on.  And so, it looks like I have no choice but to put it all into a list.  (Maybe I do have a choice, but I love lists, so get over it.)

1)  Wife Goes On recently suggested the book “Getting Them Sober” by Toby Rice Drews.  I divorced my alcoholic and therefore, at first glance, I didn’t think that this book was for me.  Oh, was I wrong.  The author must have been lurking around my house with microphones for many, many years.  Certain quotes in the book were the EXACT words that came out of the mouth of my ex.  I can’t figure out how he channeled the thoughts inside my head, though.  (I guess the more likely scenario is that it was a textbook relationship between an alcoholic and a co-dependent.  But I’m clinging to my hope of being special, and thus, someone must have been creeping around my house to get the material for this book. Okay?)  I wanted to give an example from the book that would sum it up, but there are just too many examples to choose from and I’m already facing too many decisions.

If you have ever lived with an alcoholic or someone who you think might have a problem but you’re not sure, READ THIS BOOK.  I’ve already ordered Volume 4, which deals with separation and divorce.  (Yes, I skipped over Volumes 2 & 3, which goes against everything that I am, but in light of recent events, I think I need it the most.)

2)  They call me Mean Mom.  (That’s probably the G-Rated version of what they call me, but a mom can dream.)  My boys have been home less than a week, and the youngest is already grounded from his x-box.  You see, Mono Boy developed quite the love for his little x-box while he was laid up for five months with mono.  Not my favorite thing, but I went with it.  And when he returned from his dad’s after a month away, I was understanding when he holed up in his room for three days for an x-box marathon.  But then he started exhibiting signs of a full-blown addiction – lying and disobeying rules – and playtime was over.

I asked him if he fed the dogs and he said “yes.”  You wanna re-think your answer?  And remember that I rarely ask a question that I don’t already know the answer to.  “Uh, I’m going to do it right now.” Alas, it was too late.  I was mad.

Then…AND THEN…he took advantage of my going to bed early to stay up past his bedtime to play x-box.  His bedtime, I might add, is midnight in the summer, but I guess he forgot because he was awake at three o’clock in the morning.  Have aliens invaded Earth and taken control of your mind?  No?  Well then, you’re grounded.

3)  Tomorrow is my birthday.  I will no longer be just forty. I will be forty-one, and sadly, forty will be missed.  My big plans are to chaperone a Church Youth Trip to a water park.  I’m a rebel like that.  I have been having anxiety about it and not because I will be chaperoning teenagers, but because I will be in a bathing suit in public.  It’s definitely not my favorite.  Actually in my “Top Three Things I Hate To Do And Avoid At All Costs.”  But time with my boys is more important than my fragile ego, so I volunteered.

Well today, I was semi-stalking Brittany Herself’s blog, and I came across a video of her talk at TED.  While she was speaking about changing the idea of women needing to be a size two to be beautiful, she took off her clothes and stood in her bathing suit.  In front of strangers.  And then put it on the internet.  Needless to say, she is my idol.  I. Love. Her.  So tomorrow, as I take off my bathing suit cover-up, I will try not to cling to it for dear life.  Instead, I will think of Brittany.  When I see someone thin and start to feel self-conscious, I will think of Brittany. Because Brittany rocks!

4)  If my never again Just Forty birthday wasn’t enough to make me feel old, yesterday my oldest son turned fifteen.  FIFTEEN.  How can that be?  Just the day before, I brought him home from the hospital, swaddled in a blanket, full of bright ideas and big plans.  (I was full of ideas, not him.  Well, as far as I know.)  Anyway, now he is fifteen and he is learning to drive and he starts high school in just a few weeks.  I’m afraid to go to sleep because when I wake up, it will be time to take him to high school.  There just isn’t enough time to finish all of those big plans.  (On that note, we are definitely going white-water rafting in Colorado next summer.  Anyone have any suggestions?)

5)  And as if THAT wasn’t enough to deal with, yesterday was the fourth anniversary of my divorce.  (Don’t tell my son.  Why taint his perfect day?)  You know how I started that 4th anniversary day?  Arguing with my ex.  This upcoming weekend is his per our decree, and despite the fact that he is homeless, he was still keeping up the charade of getting them.  I told him about the water park trip, since we might be a little late getting back for his pick up time.  And although I was entitled to extra time for my birthday, he chose to get an attitude.  (It’s an alcoholic thing per that wonderful book in #1.)  He was demanding and arrogant.  I finally couldn’t take it and pointed out that he didn’t exactly have a home to keep them. And on that note, aren’t you supposed to provide notice to me and the court and the state about your change of residence?  Where exactly is that notice? Or the residence?  The text I got back read, “Lunch?”  (I will have to save the rest of this story for a blogpost of its own.  There’s just too much to tell in one little bullet point.)

6)  Moving along…I received word that I am listed as a witness in custody suit for the guy that I dated for a while after my divorce.  You know, the one with that other kind of addiction.  The one that I don’t like to talk about.  And now I might have to sit in front of a judge and talk about it.  Um, no thanks?  I have to pick up my kids or clean my toilet or something else that day.  Whatever day it is.  I’ve also received word that the ex-boyfriend wants to make amends for the things that he did to hurt me.  I can’t decide which one sounds like the least amount of fun because they both involve talking about things that I don’t want to talk about.  Ever.  Never Ever.  Which is why I rode off into the sunset, never to return.  Never Ever.

7)  I always joke that I have paid my therapist so much over the past five years that she could build and fully furnish a beach house.  Let me tell you that after all of this stuff in just one week, the woman deserves a lake house after this week’s session.  My mouth opened and the stories fell out as soon as my butt hit the couch.  (Hmmm…kinda like Dodgeball?)  Normally, at therapy, I just get head nods, shoulder shrugs, hmmm’s, smiles, and the occasional eye roll.  This time she was more vocal.  Perhaps it was because I had more insight, thanks to all of my recent readings, and we could openly discuss my issues and plan for the future.  Or maybe it’s because I took a breath long enough for her to get a word in edgewise.  Either way, it was very freeing.  I feel so much lighter.  Aahhh, I needed that.

And now I need to go and check on the grounded kid and the older kid that makes me want to cry when I look at him because MY BABY IS GROWING UP.  Waaaahhh!



  1. You won’t be alone in hating to take your cover up off tomorrow! Oh, the things we must do to enjoy a fun filled day with our kids! Am looking forward to spending your birthday with you tomorrow. And remember that I am still a decade older than you!

  2. Just remember I want the movie rights or credit because I’m writing the screenplay now! Be strong, live life.

  3. I find that most of the crap that we go through in this life, no one would believe if we were on a reality show. People would think we made it up. I understand about not wanting to wear a swimsuit. I am not at my most beautiful at this moment. I think it’s high time I spent some time working on that, but really, I want my kids to know I’m here for them right now. Hang in there. Hang in there.

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