Not-so-happy new year

When LoverBoy got home from his girlfriend’s, he told me about the fight and that he thought his nose was broken.  We went immediately to the ER for x-rays.  I was more worried about a concussion than anything, but I knew that he wouldn’t to even discuss that for fear that he wouldn’t be able to play soccer and his first official Varsity soccer practice was the very next day.  The x-rays showed a fracture, but no displacement, so they sent him home to rest.

Y’all, how did this happen?  How did our lives get to this point?  No matter what awful thing happened, it was the three of us against the world.  And now some terrible thing had divided us.

LoverBoy admitted to starting the fight.  Despite his broken nose, he reached out to his brother to apologize.  He told him that he loved him.  He received no response.

I can’t describe the torture of the following days.  It was like going through the separation and divorce all over again.  My abandonment issues were kicking my butt, and I just could not imagine what MonoBoy was feeling.  Was he hurt?  Did he think that I had abandoned him or betrayed him in some way?

I feared that I had lost him forever and that he would never speak to me again.  I told myself that he would return when school started.  I reminded myself that he isn’t allowed much contact with me when he is with his dad.  But knowing these things and believing these things when you are so devastated are two different things.  I didn’t want to push MonoBoy, so I only texted him at night before bed to tell him that I loved him.  He always responded positively with “I love you more” or something normal, so I shouldn’t have been so panicked and worried.

But I was dying.

Finally, on the Saturday before school started, I got a text that said, “I’m coming home, I just don’t know how to ask.”

It was definitely a not-so-happy new year, but there was hope.

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