The next Justin Bieber

There has been some peace in my house with the boys this week.  Somebody, quickly knock on some wood for me before I jinx it!!!!  There was only one little freak out by LoverBoy because he’s going to get a B in AP-Biology and what if that drops his ranking and A&M rescinds his offer.

“Seriously?  I failed Calculus the last six weeks of my senior year, and they still let me attend.  I think you’re okay.”

Obviously I attended back in the Stone Ages, so my comforting words were of no help to him.  He continued to poll everyone and their brother and searched every inch of the A&M website for any hint on what it takes to have your offer taken away.  Let’s just not murder anyone and try to graduate, shall we?  Sounds like a good plan to me.  The first part is probably way more difficult for me than him on a daily basis anyway.

He started working part-time at the entertainment facility that I work at.  I made sure that he was in a department completely unrelated to any of mine.  He barely wants to see me at home.  Imagine if he actually had to see me at work.  I held my breath after his first shift, worried that he would hate it and it would be just one more thing in life to blame me for.  Turns out that he loved it.  Thinks that the guys he works with are the coolest.  Whew!

MonoBoy found out his class ranking and got a little dose of reality.  He was acting funny and distant and finally I couldn’t take it anymore and begged him to tell me what was wrong.  Like actually begged.  I’m not proud, but it worked.  He said, “I want to tell you, but I know that it’s going to disappoint you and I don’t want to do that.”  What he doesn’t know is that I already knew his class rank.  Hello, haven’t you noticed my hovering your entire life?  How could you actually think I hadn’t requested a transcript from the counselor at the end of the school year?  C’mon, let’s be real.

The good thing is that I had all summer to fret and worry about it, and I’m finally in my place of acceptance of it.  Well, sort of.  With all of the summer events, I still ride the fence on how much parenting is too much parenting with this kid.  I mean, I would hound him about his grades every day, but there is a part of me that fears his running away again.  That’s actually what started the conversation.  I told him that I needed to be honest with him and that I can’t really handle the current status quo.  He has the right to go to his dad’s house whenever he wants, but he still needs to show common courtesy and let me know.  I can’t wonder if or when he is coming home.  Also, I’m still his parent, no matter where he lays his head and he has to respond to my texts, even if they are about grades and he doesn’t want to.  I explained that I didn’t want to text him or call him in the time that he was gone because I never wanted him to feel guilty or conflicted about his choices.  I still feel that way, but I no longer want to suppress who I am.  I’m a mom and texting him about dentist appointments and school work is what I do.

He admitted that he feels like he is living a double live – golf and outdoorsy MonoBoy at Dad’s and his true, creative self at Mom’s.  He knows that it’s okay to be all of those things, but he can’t seem to be them all at both places.  I told him that I figured out basketball and I can figure out golf if he wants me to.  He doesn’t really seem to want that, though.  He mostly wanted to talk about singing lessons because he has decided that he wants to be the next Justin Bieber.

Let’s rewind for a moment.  It started with fashion design last spring when he borrowed my sister’s sewing machine and I took him to the craft store to pick out a simple pattern and some fabric to learn the basics of sewing.  He turned my dining room into a sewing room and for about a week, he spent time stitching designs onto a plain piece of fabric.  Needless to say, no one is wearing anything new sewn from a pattern during that week.

Then he moved onto painting.  The sewing machine was returned to its rightful owner and after a return trip to the craft store for canvas and paints, my dining room was transformed into an art studio.  He spent the next week sketching some designs and finally put the brush to the canvas.  He actually has a cool painting hanging in his room as a result.  The remaining supplies, however, have gone untouched.

Next it was photography.  He considered taking photography as an elective at school, and I let him borrow my camera to see if it was really something that he wanted.  I actually thought that this one might stick because he posts some pretty…creative?…photos on Instagram.  He climbed up onto my roof to take some pictures of the moon, realized that you need to know a thing or two about camera settings to take successful pictures, and climbed back down.  He never mentioned it again and his elective is Child Development.  (Please don’t let that mean anything other than an easy A.)

From photography, it was a quick hop to modeling.  He’s tall and thin and wants to live in New York and travel, so I really thought this could be the winner.  I signed him up for some modeling classes in the big city with a talent agency.  Well, you and I know that potential career that you embark on takes work, but MonoBoy hasn’t seemed to figure that out yet.  He must have thought that they were going to put him on a plane to New York on the first day.  After a couple of Saturdays of learning to walk the runway, speak clearly, and take care of your skin, he was done.  Luckily, they refunded my money.

Now, my dear friends, he wants to sing.  Yes, I asked the important question, “Can you sing?”  I think I’ve only heard him sing ONCE, and I vaguely remember that he could match pitch, but I certainly wasn’t evaluating him.  He just loves how he feels when he listens to music and wants to share that with the world.  Ummm, okay.  I emailed the choir director at his high school for guidance and MonoBoy is now taking singing lessons from him.  Just like when LoverBoy embarked on his new job, I held my breath during the lesson, waiting on the verdict.

He loved it and the choir director was very complimentary of his ability.  This could be a great confidence boost.  And did I mention that he loves it?

For now.  Who knows what next week will bring?  As long as it’s peaceful, I’ll be okay.

Comments

  1. Well, I guess it’s good to let kids try different things that they want to explore, if you can stand him jumping from one “career” to another and afford the materials necessary. It’s good to keep him busy though, so I think you are doing great Personally, I think you are doing great in all departments of raising these boys!!!

  2. he is lucky to have such a loving supportive mom hopefully one day he will appreciate it!

  3. Okay, I need some advice from those who share an ex likes ours. My daughter is 12 and does not want to see her Dad much less let her friends see him. He is still an addict, but some days he seems normal. He wants to come to one of her volleyball games, and continually asks me when they are. I have told him in the past, but said nothing to my daughter who has told me not to invite him, and so far he has not shown up to any of those games so she has no idea that I told him about them. I don’t “invite him,” but I hate to lie when he point blank asks me. He asked me again this week about any upcoming tournaments. Lucky for me, this weekend was 3 hours away. Next weekend it will be in town. What do I do? Do I tell him and hope he doesn’t show like in games past, but expect my daughter to be mad at me for quite a while if he does show up? Or just not tell him, and make him get a court order for me to share information with him. I am really afraid that if he comes to a game, it will stress her out and she will not play well. This is club ball, not school, and it is much more competitive. I also need to let you know he has a girlfriend that goes with him everywhere. She is very nice, but sometimes inappropriate (asking my daughter if she wants thong underware. Did I mention that my daughter is 12? She was totally embarrassed). So I am sure the girlfriend will come to since I will be there too. Advice?

    • Ugh! I feel your pain. You are caught between a rock and a hard place. Either way, one of them will blame you. Does the volleyball team have a website or posted schedule? Give him the link and then wipe your hands. If he has the website, he has the same resources available to him that you have.
      If not, you need to encourage your daughter to express herself. Yeah, it sucks to have to deal with a grown-ups emotions at the young age of 12. But it’s her relationship with her father, not yours. If she isn’t ready to say what she feels, then she will have to deal with the embarrassment.
      I know that this goes against EVERYTHING that you feel is right as a mom. You want to fight her battles. But in this case, you lose either way.

      • Thank you. You are right, I am screwed to matter what I do. I ended up texting him when Lauren’s tournament was and where. I did not tell her I told him, and true to form, he did not show up. I have decided that I will texted him information if he asks, but I will volunteer nothing.

        • Whatever you decide, try to go easy on yourself. Don’t take his BS as the truth. You are doing the best you can navigating these waters. You didn’t create the turmoil and strife that he has with his daughter. If he tries to send the guilt your way, it’s just deflection.
          I realize that all of this is easier said than done and I am the worlds worst at following my own advice.
          My ex and I no longer speak. He prefers to deal directly with the boys. When I text him things, he tells me that he already knows. But don’t think for a second that he won’t hurl an insult my way if he thinks I know something and should have told him. I’m like, “Can you make me a list of when I’m supposed to talk and not?”

  4. Hope you’re doing okay. Thinking of you and your family.

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