Lots of stuff happening, not much of it good

It’s been an eventful week.  First off, I got my car back today.  It’s almost hard to believe that the accident happened five weeks ago.  Other than obsessively checking my review mirror to make sure no one is about to ram into me, I have pretty much recovered from the mini-trauma of it.  (My kids would argue that I still drive like a grandma, but they are teenagers, so you can’t put much stock in their opinions.)

Second item to note is that yesterday was MonoBoy’s 17th birthday.  My baby is growing up.  He’s also trying to send me to an early grave.  I’m not sure what is worse – pining over him when he is gone or worrying about him leaving when he is home.

He spent some time with us over the weekend.  The boys are playing on a recreational soccer team for fun and they had their first game on Saturday.  Then half the team came back to the house to hang out.  It was like old times (as in last year), and I was in heaven.  By half-time of the Aggie game, however, they went off to do their own thing, but because I was still riding high off of the day, I didn’t feel the pain of being alone.  Until I woke up the next day.  No plans.  No obligations.  Just a huge void of nothingness.  I might have alternated crying and hyperventilating into a bag.

You know what that tells you?  I am not going to handle this empty nest thing very well.  I should probably come up with a new name for my blog.  I’m thinking it should be more along the lines of “Once Stronger.”

At some point over the weekend, MonoBoy mentioned that he planned to move home on his birthday.   I’ve heard the whole I’m-coming-home-thing a time or twenty, so I told myself NOT to get my hopes up.  Then I cleaned and organized his closet, bought a new picture for his room to replace the basketball decal, and went in search of the perfect birthday gift.  Obviously, I was completely calm, cool, and collected.

For his birthday, we planned to go out to eat with my family and then have cake/presents afterward, just like we always do.  On the way to the restaurant, he started asking questions about the A&M Campus tour this weekend.  You know, the one that my friend and I have been planning since our kids started high school.  Or birth.  He said that he didn’t want to go to Aggie Yell Practice and he didn’t want to spend the night.

WHERE IS MY PAPER BAG?

Okay, so the campus tour is more for LoverBoy, since he has actually applied for college there, but I had really started to view this as a mini family vacay.  I couldn’t wait to show them around and experience this with them.  I completely forgot that they are teenagers and dang near hate my guts.  If I had remembered that little piece of action, I might not have overreacted to his comments like I did.  (I also blame the anticipation of the homecoming that I wasn’t supposed to be getting my hopes up about.)

By the time that we got to the restaurant, none of us were speaking.  Oh happy day.

Things did get better during the meal and the gift really was perfect.  I even let go of the hope that he was moving home, which helped me calm down.  As he got ready to leave, he said that he didn’t know how to pack his stuff and move home without it being a big deal at his dad’s.  He said that he would probably do it the next day since he didn’t have golf practice after school and his dad would be at work.  I let him off the hook.  I told him that he didn’t need to do anything that would make him uncomfortable and that this arrangement didn’t have to be all or nothing.

Today I’m still hanging out at my office instead of going home and again facing the reality that he is gone.  I’m planning to let him off the hook with the college visit as well.  No sense in making him do something that he doesn’t want to do.  My therapist is trying to convince me that I can’t make him want it.  College, that is.  Or maybe she means living with me.

Either way, there is still lots of mourning going on over at my house – quitting basketball, moving out, killing the college dream.  Oh, and let’s add having any fun at the college visit, since The Ex is going.

Yep, lots of stuff happening over here.  Not much of it is good.

Comments

  1. I get so tired of kids doing things that impact and influence my life and emotions. I get so tired of ALLOWING kids and other people to impact and influence my life and emotions. Get out there and enjoy your weekend on campus, no matter what. Do it for YOU!

  2. Wife Goes On says:

    What Judy said! Enjoy your campus visit, and whether the son or anyone else enjoys it is in their hula hoop, not yours!

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