Lessons from Rosie O’Donnell

I might have mentioned two or two-hundred times that raising teenagers is hard.  I’m really just trying to prepare those of you that are still enjoying raising children that don’t act like the spawn of Satan.  Yet.

Also, I’m whining.

I recently watched Rosie O’Donnell’s “A Heartfelt Stand-Up,” and I laughed until I cried.  (I urge you to google it immediately.)  Like Rosie, I thought that those pitiful parents struggling with teenagers must be doing something wrong.  My sweet, little, bright-eyed, cherub-faced angels would NEVER act like that.  Until they did, and I found myself feeling like the failure that I judged other parents to be.

In more news about Rosie, within the past two years, she and her wife had another child to go along with her current FOUR teenagers.   (I know, I gasp at the thought too.)  She explained that it was because she has four teenagers and wanted to be reminded that she really did like kids that she chose to have another child.  That makes perfect sense to me because the other day, I just happened to watch our local news and saw a clip of a 10-year-old boy who is looking for a forever home with a family that loves sports.

And I was like, “Hey, we’re a family that loves sports!  We might not like each other all of the time, but we LOVE sports!”  They showed him shooting a basketball with some local college players and his sweet little voice announced that he hoped for a comfortable bed and game system.  My heart melted into a puddle.    I want him.  He belongs to me.

I remember a time when my kids were happy with the things that I provided, like a comfortable bed and a gaming system.  They were just plain happy kids, not the brooding creatures they are now.

I’ve spent the past few days trying to figure out how to convert my unused formal living room into a bedroom, complete with a bed and gaming system.  My friends, like Rosie’s friends, think that I have lost my mind.  I am so close to having an empty nest, free from the angry people who currently live in my home.

I guess I just figure that I will have six good years before I will want to put him back up for adoption.  Or ship him off to boarding school.  Or sell him on eBay.  Or any of the other ideas that I have come up with to deal with my current teenagers.

I told my boys about my idea and they just rolled their eyes, as if this confirms just how crazy they already think I am.  Shoot, maybe I am just one kid shy of the Funny Farm.

But if Rosie can do it, can’t I?  Oh sure, she has way more money than me and probably a larger support system of people.  And sure, she did suffer a MASSIVE heart attack.  But let me remind you that she has FOUR teenagers, while I only have two.  My heart attack should be much milder.

So what do you think?  Is it worth the risk?



  1. Hahaha! You’re nuts! No really….you should get a puppy instead! At least then you’ll get unconditional love until the day they die.
    My husband and I see people with their sweet, adorable, babbling babies, or inquisitive, innocent toddlers and the only thing I find myself thinking is “Christ, I’m glad I dont have anymore kids.” The teenage years have beaten me down more than potty training or going through a shitty divorce had. Who knew?
    Once upon a time my children, like yours, used to be happy with the little things (D still is for the most part) but these days its a constant reminder that I’m a big dummy and just a giant maid / atm / problem solver for them. They are annoyed at the slightest suggestion that they come up with a plan about their future (A graduates in less than 2 months, he has no clue what he’s doing). Personally, I don’t ever want to go through this hell again. But, thats just me. And frankly, I probably won’t get another dog again either!

  2. Meredith says:

    Yes! Why not?

  3. Stop. Step away from the children. Don’t let these evil creatures near you. Do not interact with any human under the age of 17. They will suck you in. I repeat STOP.

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