I love-hate Facebook

I have a love-hate relationship with Facebook.  I am constantly de-activating and re-activating my account, increasing and decreasing my security, and adding and deleting friends.

I first created the account a few weeks after my divorce was finalized.  Locally, we were in the midst of hurricane season and under threats of evacuation.  (Yes, threats.  Hardly anyone readily leaves unless they are forced by an evacuation order.)  My boss thought it would be a good idea to create Facebook accounts so that we could keep in touch from where ever we ended up during an evacuation.  You see, those tricky hurricanes mess with things like phone service.  Either it goes down completely or the circuits are busy.

I didn’t know much about Facebook.  I figured that it was probably a waste of time.  Just like I thought email was trickery when my Computer Class College Professor required us to download our assignments via our email.  Nonsense.  Why would I ever need an email account?  (I think I have four email addresses now.  Hmph.)

So I set up Facebook account and within minutes received notification of a friend request.  It wasn’t a colleague.  It was someone from high school.  Well, this might be interesting.

Interesting and addictive.  In a time when I felt so completely cut off from everything I knew to be true, a time when I felt so completely disconnected, here was someone who wanted to connect.  It was like the divorce antidote.  I was hooked.

Remember the guy that I dated after my divorce?  How did we connect?  Facebook.  And when he cheated on me, how did I bust him?  Facebook.  And when we broke up, how was it announced to the world that he went from being “In a Relationship” to “Single?”  Facebook.   And a very short time later, guess how I found out that he was once again “In a Relationship?”  Facebook.

Yeah, well, screw you too, Facebook.  So I bailed out for a while.  I de-activated my account to give myself time to heal.  It was a healthy choice.  When I was ready to face the world, I re-activated my account.  And it was fun catching up with everyone once again.

Then The Ex-Husband created a Facebook account.   We aren’t “friends” on Facebook, or in any other capacity for that matter.  We do, however, have around 200 mutual friends on the social network.  Each time I log in, Facebook suggests that I add him as my friend.  Really, Facebook? Really?

Because we have so many mutual friends, I now have to monitor the things that I post.  I am cautious because I never know what might get back to him because if a mutual friend likes my post, he can possibly see it.  I’m more guarded, and less my true, authentic self.   I realize that this probably mirrors millions of other Facebook users that portray more of what they want to be, and less of who they really are.  It kinda defeats the purpose for me, though, since my original fascination with Facebook was reconnecting with friends and rediscovering myself.

I have been hurt by Facebook more and more often.  Friends post hurtful things without thinking.  I compare my life to what others portray their lives to be.  I am jealous of the ease of their lives (as displayed), when compared to the constant struggle in my Single Mom World.

I’ve considered, once again, de-activating the account, but I need that account to keep the StrongerMe Blog Facebook page up and running.  And that page is where I display my true, authentic self.

(How’s that for irony?  The fake me is more honest and open than the real me.)

Alas, I will continue my love-hate relationship with Facebook.  But I will focus more on a Stronger Me.

 

Comments

  1. You are doing good. Keep it up!

  2. Facebook is like the cool new car that your parents bought and they tell you, you can drive it every now and then. I too hate FB because your right you cannot be yourself. Plus it’s hard to see all of your single friends LIVING life. I often ask myself now was it so bad without FB in my life? NO! But I wouldn’t have reconnected with some very good friends. Hint Hint!

  3. I agree with you about being cautious on facebook. Sometimes I think I’m guarding what I say, and I try to stay always positive. Then I think, maybe that IS the real me. It’s definitely different than life before facebook!

  4. Donella burton says:

    I noticed the other day that I am friends with him on Facebook. Probably happened at some point because of school. At the moment he posted a picture I thought to myself this is not a person I care about & I certainly don’t want to comment because then it shows you my comment & then his picture & I don’t want you to see that, so I decided to hit delete. I have to admit I am thankful not to live in the small town. Can’t tell you how many times friends have asked advice or confided something to me because they can’t share it at home. Damn small towns!

    • Thanks so much. I do appreciate the consideration. I’m pretty tough. We have over 150 friends in common on FB, so I get used to it. It just hurt that someone that was there to remind me to eat in those early days and see me through it has just forgotten what I have been going through. Sure do wish I could forget…

  5. I had the same issues but with my husband’s ex-wife. Because of her, I stopped writing, stopped being my true self and it killed me. It’s just been now… almost 4 years later that I’m starting to try to be the real me. (on my blog… i’m locked down on Facebook and i unfriend anyone who might be a mutual friend with her…. lol)

    hang in there. it’s tough… but i’m so glad that you have the blog to be true. it’s important.

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