You might be wondering where The Ex has been since MonoBoy’s return.  You know he’s always lurking somewhere.  To an outsider, it might appear that he is actually making progress and living a normal, healthy life.  Really making an effort for his kids.

He goes to church on Sundays.  TO CHURCH!  And it doesn’t burn down, if you can imagine.  (Ummm, hello?  Big Guy?  What the heck, dude?)  I can’t tell you the number of times I pleaded with him to go to church.  I even succeeded a few times, but regretted it almost each and every time.  It would end up that the boys and I would be sitting in the car in the driveway, waiting and waiting, as the start time for the service grew near.  We were ALWAYS late.  And he was always griping the entire way there.  I got tired of waiting and left him a couple of times.

He’s holding down his job and wearing new clothes.  He even paid off his old bounced checks to our hair stylist and started getting regular haircuts again, where he tells her stories about the boys and his involvement with them.

He has made an effort to make it to the boys’ sporting events, even sitting in the cold to watch soccer.  AAU Basketball is about to begin and MonoBoy informed me that his dad is going to be the Assistant Coach.  Wow, right?  He must have even reformed his racist ways.

Suckers.  I can’t believe you bought that outward BS.  He put on this dog-and-pony show with that horse-faced girl that he left me for.  Oh sure, it’s absolutely killing me that he is running around looking all legitimate around town.  ABSOLUTELY KILLING ME, do you hear?

But I occasionally get a phone call that reminds me who he is.  Like just last weekend, after AAU tryouts, he called me and asked if there was something going on with MonoBoy that he didn’t know about.  You wanna be more specific?

You know how I have an ongoing debate about what to tell him and whether or not it will later bite me in the butt.  With sharp teeth.  But since he was asking, I decided that I should tell.  I told him that MonoBoy seemed to be struggling with depression.  I said that the girlfriend was an issue and that he had lost focus on school and basketball and that his grades were suffering.  He’s dressing differently and wants to run away to New York for fashion design instead of going to college.  I even told him that I have scheduled an appointment for him to talk to a counselor.

He asked me the counselor’s name and where I had found him.  I told him that he was referred by their former counselor.  “Their what?  What kind of shit is this?  I didn’t know about a former counselor.”  And here we go, I thought.

But Bambi was in the background, so he refrained from starting a fight.  (Did I mention how much I prefer having her around?  You would be AMAZED at the difference in our conversations when she is within earshot.)  He asked the guy’s name again and repeated it for her benefit.  She must have given him the thumbs up because he said, “Yeah, yeah, I think I’ve heard of that guy.  Well, I think that I should talk to him before the appointment to tell him what’s going on.”

Oh?  And just what would you say?

Y’all, as he spoke about the change in MonoBoy and the underlying cause of the change, I envisioned him sitting in a white robe while his buddies burned a cross in the background.  He said that MonoBoy just needs to give up basketball and switch to baseball with the normal folk.  He used many colorful explanations of the root cause of the problems.  And he thinks that if MonoBoy lived with him for about six months, he could really straighten him out.  In fact, he wishes that he could kidnap him for a month this summer.  He’ll dress him in jeans and boots and take him out into the woods with a couple of his country buddies.

What is this Deliverance?  (I considered adding the movie clip of the famous “Squeal Like a Pig” scene, but I thought it would be in poor taste.)


  1. I thought of the same thing before I got to the last paragraph. Oh please, keep Bambi in his life! BTW–there are a lot of people that go to church just to look good to others, but maybe, some of it will wear off on him and he just might, I say might, turn around, at least a teeny, tiny bit. One can always hope?

  2. Thats like the people who have been really sinning their whole life and then they fine Jesus or say they found God and now the are the authority on the bible and look at you like you don’t know anything, yet you have been in church forever!.. lol.. He has the answers to teenage problems but hasn’t been there.. Come on man!.. He needs to stop f-ING with that clear liquor…. lol… Put down the crack pipe!..

  3. Well on the bright side, I’m hopeful the counselor will see right thru Ex and be able to more quickly help monoboy. praying for all 3 of you !

Speak Your Mind