Obviously mocking Monday is a super bad idea. Monday will get the last laugh on Tuesday.
My lovely allergic reaction to God-knows-what remained in full effect on Tuesday, but to make matters worse, our a/c was out at work. Let me recap. Southeast Texas weather in July through September mimics the surface of the sun. Only more humid. You know what does not help a face rash? Heat and humidity. The rash spread to my eyes, and since I can’t rub Benadryl cream there, I decided to use my lunch hour to head to Doc-in-the-Box for a steroid shot.
Enter Problem #1. The good ol’ doc decided to get high-tech and go paperless. Kudos to him except, why this week? After waiting for two hours, I was no where close to seeing a doctor. I had also run down the battery in my phone perusing Facebook while I waited, only to discover that my former BFF was posting pictures of her tropical vacation celebrating her wedding anniversary and her “great friends'” wedding (aka my ex and his new wife). Really? Neither of them are on Facebook. Why do you feel the need to post picture of their drunk asses at a bar?
Okay, so maybe I’m a tad more upset about this wedding thing than I thought. You will understand more when you read about the rest of my Tuesday, or extended Monday.
Back to the doctor’s office. Since I had already paid my co-pay, I told the nurse that I would be right back after I took the cat to the vet and picked up a kid from camp. And I flew home at warp speed to try to dig a cat out of the bushes to drag to the vet. Not the Kitten From Hell, but the old cat that hates her and has decided to pee all over my house as my punishment. The last time she did something crazy like this, I learned that she had some sort of urinary infection, so I called the doctor with the hope that it was either that or impending death. (I don’t take kindly to people or animals peeing on my floors. Just ask my ex.)
Sadly for me, and ultimately for the cat, it is not a health issue. It’s just “inappropriate behavior” that I will have to retrain. With what? Euthanizing her? Nope, a long list of things that are next to impossible considering the fact that other people and animals live in my house. Oh, and since she has been bolting outside, she has picked up fleas. FLEAS? In all of my years as a pet owner, fleas and urination have been a rare issue. I should probably have been thanking my lucky stars this whole time, but I feel this payback is more than making up for my lack of prior gratitude. Payback is hell.
I picked up MonoBoy and dropped him and The Punisher off at home and told the boys to get started on yardwork. I designated Tuesdays for yard work, since there is no basketball practice or other pesky obligations to get in the way. I sent some grand, lengthy text to the boys explaining to them that “yard work” was more than mowing the yard at lightning speed on the highest level of the mower, carelessly missing huge patches. It meant that they needed to move the water hose and the soccer goal and any other thing that they leave around in the yard and not just mowing around it. (Can you say Trailer Trash?) It means edging the driveway and walkway and using the weedeater around the mailbox, fence, air conditioner unit, and side of the house. It means blowing all of the grass off of the driveway, walkway and other non-grass areas. And it means, cleaning the dog-poop filled grass out of the mower before putting it back in the garage.
You would have thought that I texted them in German or Latin or some other language that they aren’t taking in high school. Okay, let’s be honest, I could have texted it in Spanish and gotten the same confused looks. But I wrote it in English and it was in writing so that they knew exactly what I expected and could refer to it as necessary.
Total waste of time, but I was ever-hopeful and left to go back to the doctor for my steroid shot and then hit Pets Mart. A whopping $270 later, I left PetsMart armed with all of the things I needed to kill fleas and prevent (ha) inappropriate behavior. It’s a racket, I tell you! Then I got back home and discovered that the boys had only followed their previous yard work plan, not the detailed one that I had outlined in my text.
After several days on Benadryl, combined with everything else going on in my life, let’s just say I was a tad bit testy. I entered the house with a vengeance and animals and children were scurrying. I took the boys back outside and supervised until I thought that my face rash would burst into flames. Then I started dinner and began setting up all of the goodies that I had just purchased – putting up gates to block the dog from the areas with wood floor, plugging in Fel-away that’s supposed to calm cats and keep them from marking, and scrubbing my floors with a substance that will either kill the animal scent, or remove the varnish. I could care less which at this point. Then I started vacuuming rugs, only to discover when I moved my coffee table that somebody had spilled red Gatorade on my rug and not bothered to clean it up. I’m sure they thought, “She’ll never notice since the carpet is mostly red and orange,” and quite possibly, they might have been correct if they hadn’t actually spilled it on the cream color leaves.
How long until my children go off to college and take the animals and their friends along with them? Regardless of the answer, right now it’s TOO LONG.
I sat down to eat with the family and remembered why I don’t like to sit down to family meals with teenagers. If I wanted to referee, I would sign up to ref soccer games and get paid to do it. Finally, I gave up and excused myself to wash the dishes and work on laundry. Sadly, those chores sounded more fun.
Then it was time for the chore that I dreaded – bathing all three animals, combing them for fleas, and applying flea treatment. At one point, MonoBoy came into the bathroom to help, but left the door open and I had to dive for a drenched cat that bolted as soon as it saw the possibility of escape. I might have asked him to leave the bathroom immediately because he responded with, “Geez, why are you so cranky today?”
Gee, I wonder.
After all of that nonsense, I decided to jump in the shower and go to sleep and pray that Wednesday wouldn’t be another Monday. And I got the opportunity to pray all night due to my lack of sleeping. Maybe it was the events of the day or maybe it was the steroid shot or maybe it was the rage I felt whenever I heard the bell on a cat collar when they were scratching a flea. Who knows, but I didn’t fall to sleep until 1:00am and I was wide awake at 3:22am. Plenty of time to obsess and dream about running away and living alone.
Today I am hiding in my office, partly because the doc said no more makeup and my face is blaring red with the heat in here and partly because I’m afraid that if I leave, I will discover that once again, it’s another Monday.