LoverBoy’s girlfriend left for college on Saturday. He woke up at 4:30am and went to tell her his final good-bye. He came home and crawled into bed with me until a short-time later, when it really was the crack of dawn, and we had to get up for a soccer tournament.
I have to say that he did pretty good over the weekend. He was busy with the tournament, and in between games, his soccer friends came over to the house. (Minus the stalker.) On Sunday, when the tournament ended, he started to get a little down, so we plopped onto the couches and set to watching Netflix. This might be a dream-come-true for the mother of a teenage boy. For once, I wasn’t Enemy #1.
That was Sunday. On Monday, I resumed the enemy role.
They started school on Monday. (No, I do not have any back-to-school photographs of them. I was too busy shoving them out the door, so I could sit in the silence of an empty house for a few blissful minutes. Plus, boys going into their Junior and Sophomore years in high school don’t get excited or dressed up for the first day of school. I was lucky to get them to brush their teeth and wear clean clothes.)
Unfortunately, LoverBoy’s girlfriend did not start school on Monday. In fact, she doesn’t actually have a class until Thursday, so she has lots of free time. At a new school. In a new town. With new people. Probably 10,000 other incoming freshman in the same boat as she is, to be almost exact.
I realized last night that he did well over the weekend because she was lost and afraid. She had not bonded with her roommates yet, as they knew people and were going to parties. But on Monday night, they invited her to go to a party with them, and he LOST IT.
Oh y’all, I’m not sure if I’m going to survive this year. Not if there are many more nights like last night, and I suspect that there will be. I’m thankful that he turned to me for advice, but he really didn’t like any of the advice that I had to give, so I ended up biting my tongue and nodding. Often. Obviously, he’s just going to have to get through this and learn the hard way.
You see, LoverBoy is 100% against drinking. You know, with the whole alcoholic father thing. He is so much against it that he has established it as one of his “rules” for his college girlfriend. (Bare with me for one second, while I silently laugh in my head that a Junior in high school is establishing “rules” for his college girlfriend. I wanted to tell him that most girls will tell him to shove his rules up his…but this was one of those instances where I bit my tongue. Hard enough to taste blood. I really wanted to say it.)
His rules are: 1) No Cheating; 2) No Drinking; and 3) No Partying until 4am.
She asked him if he could forgive her if she messed up. Uh-oh. Wrong thing to say. He’s got my “projection” issue, so that one little statement convinced him that she will be partying and drinking every night, and with that she will be flirting with boys and cheating.
And she might. She’s in COLLEGE.
You know what else is the wrong thing to say? That she might mess up because she’s in college.
“Mom, I don’t need you to defend her. You’re supposed to tell me that she will do the right things and tell me that everything’s going to be all right.”
Ohhh, so you want me to lie? It’s like you don’t even know me at all. I’m a pessimist. I think that every hurricane is going to hit us, I could possibly be a bag-lady one day, and a long-distance relationship between a college girl and high school boy is doomed.
Is what I wanted to say. Instead I mumbled, “oh, sorry” as he stormed out of the living room and slammed his door.
Later, I explained to him that college is a time of finding yourself. This is the first time that she has lived on her own, away from her parents. The kids that she grew up with aren’t there with her. She has to find her place and she will have to try different things to figure out who she is. He said, “But what if she changes into a person that likes to drink and party and not the person that I fell in love with.”
It’s called life, and you just have to hope that it will all work out in the end and she will find her way back to you. But if you keep reacting like this, it will put too much pressure on her, and she will let go of you for sure.
“I don’t think I’m mature enough to handle her ‘finding herself.’”
And you’re not expected to be. You’re still in high school.
Shoot me, guys, because I don’t even think that I’m mature enough to handle this. This whole time, I have been planning to live by my parent’s theory of “out-of-sight, out-of-mind” and “what I don’t know won’t hurt me” when my kids go to college. Unfortunately, he is the high school boyfriend, not the parent, so he can’t subscribe to that theory. I just hope he can survive it. And by “survive it,” I mean I hope that he can regain some focus on high school so that he doesn’t drop his GPA and screw up his own chance to go to college and have these experiences.
I also hope they can hang on for two weeks when we go to College Station for the weekend for the first A&M home game. Then it’s Party Time!